6 Years ago today...

Six years ago today I got a phone call that changed my life forever.  It was my mom telling me that Danny had died.  I remember screaming at her because I thought it was some cruel joke.  I mean, no way did he really commit suicide.  NO WAY!! 
I knew he had depression.  I knew he had his demons, don't we all?  Don't we all at one time or another entertain even if only for a minute, "maybe I'd be better off if..."
But you never really believe it will happen.
That period is blurry for me.  I was on auto pilot for the majority of it.  I struggled.  A lot.
I hurt.  I felt pain like nothing else.  The guilt was drowning me.  I fell and I fell deeply and quickly into a very dark spot.

Fast forward six years, and I have learned my "new normal".  I don't feel guilt.  I don't feel shame, I don't hurt.  I feel grateful that I had my brother for 28 years.  I think of him fondly now, with a smile on my face, and happiness in my heart.  No more aching.  I still miss him, but I am so happy that he is in Heaven with our Savior!  He truly is the lucky one. 

So thanks for the time we had Danny.  Thanks for the awesome memories.  You just wait, we will all be with you again in God's time.  What a day of rejoicing that will be!! 
These are pics you've seen, but that's OK!  They are Danny.  :)
I love you!
Kristy

Before and After Pics of Caleb's incision

Caleb came home Tuesday.  He is doing pretty good.  They used steri-strips to close his wound, and of course, before we even left the hospital the bottom portion tore open.   :(  which meant the stick stuff was now on his wound.  I had to leave the room.  Couldn't handle that one.  Troy was with him though.  They got that sucker taped nice and tight.  They also removed his drainage tube, and when they did, Caleb said "wow!  Was that thing tied to my toe?"  Amazing how much tube came out of that hole!!  He was coughing a bit this morning, and is napping during the day, but this is all normal.  His incision is getting blisters on it, and it itches like mad.  The hole where his tube came out isn't healed up yet, and looked like it had some pus in it today, so Troy flushed it out.  Hopefully nothing more will happen...
I am going to attach some pictures.  please be warned!  They are graphic.
But I do this blog for my children.  And someday Caleb will have this, and will want to be able to share this with his kids...
I am so proud of him.  His true character has shined throughout.  He quickly became many of the Doctor's and Nurses favorite patient...
I love you Caleb!  My Lubber!!

This pic has gauze in it, they had to pack it 2x a day...

Notice the tube?  And this is the incision in all its glory

Here he is taped up and ready to go home

Caleb's surgery is done!

I pray this will be his last complication!!  The Dr did open surgery, vs. laprascopic.  He drained his abscess, and removed his appendix.  He has a drainage tube, and he also left his incision "open" for now, and will tape it shut at a later date.  He has a catheter, and all in all is feeling really lousy.  The breathing tube, even once removed, made it difficult for him to talk, so all he did was look at us with his big brown eyes, teary, with his bottom lip out, and put his thumbs down...as in "thumbs down"...this bites...
He is in a lot of pain right now.  Poor kid.  He's such a trooper.  The DR said he will be in hospital anywhere from 3 to 10 days depending on how he does, and how quickly he recovers and can eat, and pass the food he eats without getting sick....

I am going to attach a pic of his wound, but it is wrapped in gauze.  I pray for a quick recovery.  I pray that he gets no post-op infection, abscesses, etc...  He's been through enough!  But I trust that no matter what happens God is in control, He is protecting my boy, and in the end things will be just fine.

Its sort of weird when I think about the appendix.  It should be, in today's world, such an easy situation to deal with.  Had it not ruptured, had it not been so slow to heal, it would have been.  For whatever reason, this is our trial right now.  And we are here for Caleb through it all.  It was cute, about a week ago, he had a dream that "I was sick for too long, so you stopped caring for him, Dad stopped caring about him, and I died, but don't worry!  I woke up before I actually died, but i know that is what happened."

No, Caleb.  We will NEVER stop caring.  We will do whatever we have to do to see you through this!!  I promise!!

I love you the most! (and you are not here to tell me otherwise!!)
Mamma

Prayers Appreciated

Well, Caleb had his CT scan, and it was determined that he still has acute appendicitis, and his abscess has not decreased in size.  The Dr feels it is necessary to go ahead and do an exploratory surgery, remove his appendix, and also drain his abscess.  This is happening today!  We check in at 12:30 and surgery is scheduled for 2:30.  He will be spending the night, (maybe longer) in the hospital while his body heals.

I ask that if you read my blog you pray for Caleb, pray that the Dr. will continue to use good faith and judgement and that it all goes smooth, and that Caleb recovers quickly.

I will give an update after we are home from the hospital.

Dear Lord,
I pray that you will cradle Caleb in your loving arms, give him continued strength to handle his journey with courage.  Protect him, Lord.  Keep him safe and healthy.  I ask that you give Dr. Johnson the knowledge to handle Caleb with the utmost care.  I pray for a quick recovery for my son. 
Amen

Snow and stuff

I took some cute pics of Gabe, our German Short-hair

Pointer.  He HATES the cold almost as much as Troy does...
He goes outside for 2 minutes and he peers through our kitchen window whining and crying to come inside.  Its pretty funny....  A few cool pics of my chickens too.  One of our gray ones has turned almost completely white..I have no idea why, but she looks pretty darn cool if you ask me.  :)

he's there...do you see him?

Juno LOVES the snow, colder the better!!

making his way to the window...

Peeking....

Umm HELLO????  I see you!!

My super awesome white chicken...

Caleb and James

Beebz

My ma

Juno's new bed, courtesy of Grandma Peggy

Christmas at my mom's 2014

yes, we waited until January, and yes it was worth it.  Wow were there a lot of people there!  I had no idea I had so much family, ha-ha!!  We had over 30 people at my mom's house, including a few babies, and there will be two more babies next year.  My great aunt Anna was able to join us, which is nice, as she is getting older, and has inoperable cancer.  It was nice to be able to spend some time with her.  Seeing my uncles, Sami, James, cousins, etc.  It was a really fun time.  We played the dice game, and nobody got hurt..the hot ticket was a thing of lottery tickets.. what a great idea that was!  I am also adding some pics of our own house and our real tree we got this year...too bad it died while we were in the hospital with Caleb, ha ha...  Oh well. 

enjoy the pictures!

Martha, Sandy, and Troy

Isn't hims darling?

Lisa and Uncle Pat

Decorating the Tree

Just cuz I love her so much, Miss Juno

My favorite picture in the whole world!!!

Zeus, Sami's dog

Camryn

Liam

I don't remember his name, but he's a cutie!!

Linnea

Looking pleased

Come here and gimme a kiss!!

She pretends she likes the babies...  ha ha